Bits in short supply, get them while you still can!!

I just contacted Sprint customer service via an online chat. After the chat session ended, I was asked to take a short customer survey. After that was finished, I was rewarded with a free ringtone. The qualifications for getting my ringtone are posted below. Pay special attention to the final bullet point.

* Valid only with Sprint Vision or Sprint PowerSource phones
* Not for use with Nextel phones, Windows based phones or PDA phones
* If you do not have a data pack with your plan, then a data transfer fee of 3 cents per 1KB will apply when your download your free ringer
* A service credit will be applied to your account within two billing cycles
* One free ringer per phone/device
* Offer good while supplies last

Quantum of Solace review

There aren't many films that will get me to the theater on opening weekend. I like as few distractions as possible, so I usually wait until the crowds die down. My two exceptions this year have been Dark Knight and Quantum of Solace. I saw a 3:15 showing of Quantum of Solace on Friday afternoon. Immediately two things distracted me from the movie. One, on opening day, the film already had scratches. Most of the first reel was noticeably scratchy, I didn't notice anything on subsequent reels.

Unfortunately, the second issue was consistent throughout the film. The opening chase was filmed in two distinctive styles. External shots of the cars were smooth with stunning visuals. Shots from inside the cars used a shaky camera technique intended to emphasize the action. Instead, it made the action unknowable. Combined with quick cuts, the shaky camera made it nearly impossible to see what was happening. In the car chase scene this was mildly disappointing. In the scaffolding fight scene (featured prominently in trailers for the film) the shaky camera again made it impossible to follow the action.

Which is a shame, because this Bond film is really just an action film starring James Bond. The story picks up right where Casino Royale ended, with Bond in pursuit of those responsible for Vesper Lynd's death and the leaders of a shadow organization with the power to topple governments and replace them with regimes more to their liking. Bond pursues relentlessly and adds a few notches to his double-0 status.

There are, however, several essentials to a James Bond movie that Quantum of Solace lacks. James Bond drives a fast, classy European car that exudes cool and may shoot missiles. His wears a chronometer that can detonate bombs and has a garrote built in*. Bond boldly walks into the arch villain's lair, defeats him in a verbal sparring match and steals his girlfriend's affections.

This film was missing all of these. Bond drives an Aston Martin DBS in the opening chase scene, but for the rest of the film, he drives an SUV. The only gadget Bond carries is his cell phone, which admittedly takes really good pictures, but my Treo can send and receive images, so I was less than impressed. (MI6 does use something like a Microsoft Surface, but again, it's nothing new and creative). And the
scene with the arch villain was completely absent. In Casino Royale, Bond played poker against Le Chiffre, their verbal exchanges making it clear that each knew more about the other than he should. In Quantum of Solace, Bond rescues a girl at a party, but the dialogue was just basic machismo with no flair.

Coming on the heels of Casino Royale, this was a disappointing film. It could have worked as a straight action film with different camera technique. It would take a lot more to make it into a good Bond film.

*I realize that the original Ian Fleming works did not contain the more spectacular gadgets of the Roger Moore films, but at least a tip of the hat to the spy genre is expected in a movie about the ultimate spy.

Does reading make you stoopid?

I love to read. I read voraciously as a child. When books were being chosen for book reports, teachers would try to steer me away from my selections, afraid I was overly ambitious. They'd chide me when they saw me reading some other book halfway through the designated reading time, asking why I wasn't reading my assigned book. Then they'd be shocked to know that I had finished the assigned book and was reading something new.

In fifth grade, I won the spelling bee for my elementary school. Not because I practiced, but because I read constantly. I hardly ever had to study spelling words because I'd already encountered them numerous times in the books I read.

But now, much of my reading is online. And it doesn't matter whether you're reading newspapers, magazines, websites, or blogs, it seems that online, spelling doesn't matter anymore.

I try to fight the culture, but it is very pervasive. I try to spell correctly whether I'm writing a technical document or typing with my thumbs to send a text message. But now I find myself uncertain of the spelling for simple words. They just don't look right. And I know it's because I've seen them butchered so many ways that there is no consistent image in my head for how they should look.

So to answer my own question, Yes, reading, at least reading online, does make me stupid.

I'm not stumping for McCain

I'm still undecided on who to vote for in the upcoming presidential election. Since Ron Paul dropped out, my choices seem to be Bob Barr (Libertarian), Chuck Baldwin (Constitution Party), and Alan Keyes (Independent).

Barr is a recovering Republican and his position has changed on several issues. I too am a recovering Republican and my position has changed on several key issues in the last few years. I generally like the Libertarian position, so he's probably going to get my vote.

I've supported Keyes in the past, in fact, he's the only candidate to whom I've given financial contributions. But mixing politics and religion bothers me more than it used to.

I still believe that my faith and my beliefs should influence my politics. I don't, however, believe in getting enough Christians in office that we can create a theocracy. I'm also quite comfortable with the idea that some things are morally wrong without having to make them illegal. Christianity was born and thrived in a place where its morals were not the law of the land. I think Christians in the U.S. might need to actually live out their faith, rather than wait for Washington to legislate it.

So I'll probably vote for Barr. And two of my three brothers accuse me of wasting my vote, I believe that my vote is one of principle, theirs are more pragmatic. I know either McCain or Obama will be elected, not Barr, Baldwin, or Keyes. But since neither McCain nor Obama represent my political beliefs, I believe that I waste my vote if it is cast for either of them.

I did find some interesting online videos. I believe they point out some of Obama's issues pretty well. I haven't seen them anywhere but online. They can be found here.

Attention North Carolina drivers: Keeping to the right no longer dangerous!!

Officials have just announced that 3 of the 4 primary dangers of driving in the right lane of a multi-lane highway have been eradicated. Drivers should no longer feel the need to immediately move to the left lane of any freeway they may find themselves driving on.

Below are the previous dangers (remember, they've been eradicated! Don't panic!)

Zombies
For years Zombies have lumbered along the right lanes of several NC highways, dining on the gray matter like it was Lexington barbecue. But no zombie attacks have been reported for three months and it is believed that the zombies have moved to Texas, preferring to dine on Armadillos (apparently their shells are less thick than NC drivers).

Some local residents near Mocksville believe that a right lane driver was killed by zombie attack, but officials have determined that No Zombie was involved. They assert it was feral dogs that used a cleaver to crack a man's skull and eat his brains.


Black Holes
A long-term menace to NC right lane drivers, black holes can appear at anytime (unlike black ice, which is limited to the winter months) and swallow vehicles whole. Once a vehicle crosses the event horizon, they are immediately sucked into the black hole never to be seen again. Some scientists believe they are emitted as particles from pulsars billions of light-years away. Others claim they are transported through wormholes to parallel dimensions. Some say they go to Tulsa.

But ever since CERN's Large Hadron Collider (LHC) has been operational, all rogue black holes have relocated to Switzerland, hoping for a front row seat for the end of the world.

Mismatched socks
Many drivers have noticed that crossing from the left lane into the right mysteriously causes their socks to become mismatched. While there is no explanation for this phenomenon, studies have shown that crossing back into the right lane reverts the socks back to their matched state 54% of the time.

So drivers can drive in the right lane until it is necessary to pass another vehicle, then return to the right lane, and still have a reasonable chance to arrive at their destination with coordinated hosiery. For the unfortunate few, remember that mismatched socks are a hoot at the office.

Efficiency
Efficiency is the one enemy of the right lane driver that we cannot eradicate. It seems that driving in the right lane until it is necessary to pass, then returning to the right lane, will always result in an increase to overall highway efficiency. Random braking for no apparent reason can alleviate some efficiency, but it can not eliminate it.

For those conscientious drivers trying to reduce their overall efficiency footprint, officials suggest purchasing efficiency vouchers from teenage slackers. Alternatively, one could take a government job to offset their efficiency footprint.

The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down

I recently watched the Nicolas Cage film National Treasure 2. It is generally mindless entertainment that at times attempts to be intelligent (the team of heroes are all Ph.d's).

The central story is this: Benjamin Gates (Cage) believes his great-grandfather, Thomas Gates, helped to thwart John Wilkes Booth and his fellow conspirators by refusing to decrypt a message for them. New evidence is presented that shows Thomas Gates may have, in fact, been one of the conspirators. His name is on a page from Booth's diary. Now in order to prove his forefather's innocence, Benjamin Gates must decipher the code himself, find the treasure it refers to, and thus, prove Thomas Gates' innocence. (I never quite understood how finding the treasure could prove or disprove Thomas Gates' loyalty to the Union or Confederacy.)

Now follows brilliant code cracking and daring strategies, all based on information gleaned from children's illustrated histories. And through the entire movie runs the theme that a Confederate victory would have been disastrous, thank God they never found the treasure, or we would all be speaking with Southern drawls and still own slaves. One of Ben Gates' praises of Lincoln is this quote:

"Before the Civil War, the states were all separate. People used to say "United States are." Wasn't until the war ended, people started saying "The United States is." Under Lincoln, we became one nation."

And there is my problem. Lincoln dissolved states rights, brought about the war that took more American lives than any other, turned brother against brother, and he is remembered as a hero. Lincoln destroyed the United States and created something else with the same name. We are no longer a collection of sovereign states that join together for national defense and other common causes. The constitutional rights of states were removed. You were no longer a member state by choice, you were a member state by military force.

Professor Walter E. Williams, of George Mason University, opens one of his recent columns with the following brilliant paragraph:

"One of the unappreciated casualties of the War of 1861, erroneously called a Civil War, was its contribution to the erosion of constitutional guarantees of state sovereignty. It settled the issue of secession, making it possible for the federal government to increasingly run roughshod over Ninth and 10th Amendment guarantees. A civil war, by the way, is a struggle where two or more parties try to take over the central government. Confederate President Jefferson Davis no more wanted to take over Washington, D.C., than George Washington wanted to take over London. Both wars are more properly described as wars of independence."

We did not have a civil war in this country. We had a second war for independence that was unsuccessful. Imagine that our founding fathers had lost their war for independence. We are now a British colony (probably a commonwealth by now, but still paying allegiance to the crown). King George III would be known as the king that unified the kingdom and the Colonies. Would those of us in North America today consider him a hero? Or would we consider him to be a thief of liberty and a tyrant?

The War of 1861 is long over. Its consequences live on. The former Confederate States today have a population of over 100 million. They are continually portrayed as ignorant, and regarding the war, evil (some of them did own slaves, after all). Other causes for the war are rarely addressed, and never in popular media. There is an absolute world-view regarding the war: South wrong; North right.

Thomas Gates is eventually declared to have been for the North (like I said, I don't see how finding the treasure proved anything) and we are expected to be happy that our hero is descended from a man who fought on the Right Side. That means 100 million or so of us are descended from those who fought on the Wrong Side. I am no "South shall rise again" southern rebel lying in wait for a chance to re-fight the war. I am a Southern born American who recognizes that what we are told to believe and what is true are not always the same. And I mourn the loss of our freedoms, whether lost today or 140 years ago.

Friday Challenge: Tech Support

“Excuse me young man?”

Oh great. Just about to level up, now this. I finally get a 15 minute stretch of zombie killing, mindless fun, and grandma has to bring me back to reality.

“Young man, I was told that you’re tech support?”

I wish people would quit telling people things about me. Even if they’re true.

“Yes, I’m tech support. What can I do for you?”

I managed to pull that off without sounding too insincere.

“It’s my husband. He’s having a little trouble.”

He’s sitting in one of the big comfy chairs. Must have gotten here pretty early to score that. Came in for the updates. Typical Tuesday.

“Ma’am, he has the Blue Eyes of Death. You have to reboot him.”

From this angle I can even see the tiny white-on-blue error message. There he is, near catatonic, and all Microsoft can do is tell him to remove any recently installed hardware or software. Looks like most of his recent hardware is keeping him alive. Let’s hope it’s a software fix.

“Oh, he doesn’t like it when I reboot his system. He never thinks I’m doing it right. Do you think you could do it for me?”

Oh, I can. But I’ll have to get up, make my presence known. On a Tuesday.

“OK, I’ll do it this time, but I’m really not supposed to touch the customers, you know.”

I walk over, grateful that the old-timers hardly ever get sub-dermal switches. I find his switch, just behind his right ear, press and hold for three seconds and I’m done. His eye flickers and his chest rises in a sigh of relief. I remember now that I’ve seen him here before. Rebooted him then too. Told him he needed to close some open ports. Don’t turn on automatic updates for every app you put in your brain. And stop surfing porn. That stuff can kill you these days.

“Oh, thank you, he’s looking better already.”

I accept her thanks and walk away before he can speak. On my way back to my table I perform a quick scan of his system. Cleaned out a couple of worms, closed some ports and installed a backdoor of my own, just in case.

I detour to the counter and grab some coffee. One of the perks of working tech support at Starbucks – all the coffee you can drink. Also one of the drawbacks.

Coffee in hand I turn around and stood face to face with Barrister Musa Issah. Today he’s wearing a white linen suit. Yesterday it was a blue one. The red one’s my favorite.

Before I can delete, he’s talking. He was the solicitor for the late Sanni Abacha, President of Nigeria. He has been given my name as a trustworthy person. He would like me to assist him in getting a gazillion dollars out of Nigeria and into the hands of the rightful heirs of Mr. Abacha.

His accent is much smoother this time. And the woman crying in the background is new. Almost touching. Delete.

My table is no longer available. Some guy’s sitting there with an antique Macbook Air. I hear they were pretty cool, for externals. But I don’t have time to admire it. I want to find a place to disappear and avoid the Tuesday madness.

“Can you help me log on?”

Great, another noob.

“You just wink on the Starbucks logo”

Ever since implants first became popular, the municipal grid has been overloaded. They say free wifi hotspots were popular around the turn of the century. With all the grid congestion, they’ve made a comeback. Especially on Tuesdays.

“I don’t see the logo the girl at the counter said just look left but I don’t see anything and I’ve looked all over the store could you just show me where it is?”

It was a great idea, really. Plug a cable straight into the occipital lobe, and voila, internal video. Of course if you wanted to get data into the machine, you had to be more daring. The very early adopters were lobotomized.

“Keep your head still, ma’am, and look left. No, just move your eyes. Okay now look up. You should see the logo. OK, double wink on it.”

But eventually the technology caught up. Processors continued to get faster. People started using the implant to control the autonomic functions of their brains. It freed up gray matter for other uses. A couple of Nobel Prize winners were found to have done it, suddenly everybody else thinks it’ll make them Nobel material.

“No, ma’am, just two quick winks. Just your left eye.”

Then the quantum chips hit the consumer implant market. It was actually feasible to let the implant take full control, as long as you kept it updated. You did not want buggy code in charge of your brain.

And there was the rub. After a while, who would notice the buggy code. If everyone’s performance downgraded simultaneously, and all in proportion, who would notice?

Well, I would - every Tuesday. Every Tuesday the updates come down from Microsoft. And every Tuesday, my coffee shop fills up with people waiting to get their updates. And every Tuesday people get a little bit weirder.

First it was just quirky behavior. Like everybody ordering the same espresso drink and asking for an umbrella. Or when people began to hunt and peck at their virtual keys. They’re virtual, there’s nothing to hunt.

Everyone stopped wearing shoes two weeks ago.

After last Tuesday’s update, three men went into the street and killed a dog. The whole shop applauded. And everyone joined in when they started eating.

Now the patrons don’t react to anything. Except for me. They always notice me. Especially when I try to leave. I’ve been in the coffee shop for a week now. Even if they let me leave, I’m not sure where I’d go.

It’s noon. Time for the updates.

Straighten up and fly right

At work today, our network connection went down, so several people gathered in the test lab (where I work) to talk. Somehow the story turned to animals and pets. A coworker from India told about being stalked by packs of street dogs.

Then he told about a friend who had all types of animals - dogs, cats, and a monkey. He trained the monkey to give head massages. It would sit on your shoulder and rub your head. He said he actually experienced it himself - he had a headache and his friend suggested a head massage might help. So he called over the monkey, it sat on his shoulders and massaged his head. But he did give one word of warning (direct quote): When a monkey gives a head massage, if you turn you r head one way or the other, the monkey will beat on your head. You must look perfectly straight ahead."

So now you know the monkey massage protocol.

Two Killings

There were two recent incidents in which a single killer took the lives of several other people. In one case, the killer survived, in the other the perpetrator was killed during the incident.

In the first incident, the killer committed an illegal act, taking the lives of 5 innocent people and injuring many more before taking his own life.


In the second incident an innocent person was in the midst of a legal activity and killed 8 people involved in an illegal one.

A driver in Baltimore Maryland came upon a group of people that had entered a highway to watch an illegal drag race. Smoke from the tires and an early morning haze prevented the driver from seeing the crowd until it was too late.

The innocent victims of the Northern Illinois University were in the middle of what society tells us is the ultimate in safety - a gun-free zone. And it is safe, as long as everyone follows society's rules and does not attempt to harm their fellow man. However,

2.2 million people are currently in prison in the United States for some violation of society's rules, so we know that not everyone is a follower. And armed with this basic knowledge of human nature, our culture's response is to deprive the innocent majority of their true path to safety - the ability to defend themselves.

The right to bear arms is simply that - a right. Tell Americans that you are going to take away the privilege of driving (it is not a right) and there will be uproar. But those of us who believe in the 2nd Amendment are supposed to quietly accept a reduction in liberty.